202 paving project got us hot twice in one day

Imagine what Quaro, the boat-for-hire native from 'Dr. No' would have done if he saw this big guy. (Harrison Thorp photos)

Cruise east down Bigelow Road from River Road and you’ll see what I consider a waste of our tax dollars. A sign proclaims “Road Work 500 Ft.”

Of course I smelled the hot tar and heard the clatter of the fire-breathing behemoth that looks like it came out of “Star Wars” long before I saw the sign.

Now, Bigelow Road gets so few cars, if there were a bridge on it, it would’ve been taken down by the state 20 years ago, even if it were in good shape!

Still, these signs leave me feeling as hot as the tar being laid down on old Carl Broggi, which makes me think, just who was Carl Broggi?

Don’t worry, ain’t gonna Google it.

So I’m thinking these signs are going to be put on every side street off Route 202? At a cost of what?

'Hey, hon, look, the sign says there's no roadwork on this street. Woulda never known.'

Well, I’m no mathematician. But let’s see: eight guys, two trucks and about 45 minutes. That adds up to just about, well, like I said, I’m no mathematician. And whenever I try to figure it out, I get a headache and angry.

State crews Friday morning first tried to put the sign that says “End Road Work” about 20 feet onto the landowner’s property, but they fought and scratched and argued and finally the state backed off and put it nearer the road.

Still, do we really need this sign? Let’s see. I’ve waited for a half hour to get from Hometown Mobil to Bigelow Road, leave the smoking, belching fire-breathing dragon behind and roll onto a neatly paved Bigelow Road, take a sigh of relief and 50 yards down the road there’s a sign that says “End Road Work.”

Yeah, I really needed that. Thanks for the reassurance, guys.

''What is that smell? Oh look hon, they're tarring. And look, the sign confirms that. Thank goodness for the sign. We'd be lost without it.'

OK, timeout: If I hear one guy say today, “Don’t worry, it’s just state money,” I’m going to go throw myself under the fire-breathing dragon and be done with it.

So anyway, let’s say we’re heading east on Bigelow. We’re going down our little town street (which I used to run three times a week for exercise and if I ran from one end to the other and back and saw a car it was a miracle) and hear and smell the paving, but we have to see a sign to know there might be some kind of roadwork up ahead? Now maybe if the speed limit were 70 mph on Bigelow Road, you’d need that. But 25 mph? C’mon, man.

But 202 wasn’t done with me yet this day. On the way to the high school Senior Convocation Friday night – they had this timed perfectly – a cast of thousands were herding the fire-breathing dragon at the goofy traffic light we all know and love (Long Swamp and Center Road).

Five guys were running traffic as the dragon ponderously crept westward ever so slowly. We waited for about 10 minutes admiring all the candidate signs as east and west traffic took turns with the single open lane.

Soon, we knew the ponderous fire-breathing dragon would be before us and shut off our escape onto Long Swamp. (It goes about 1 and a half miles an hour, so if you’re blocked, you’re talking 20 minutes before you make your escape.)

But the five guys doing traffic ignored the lone car seeking its escape. But suddenly one of the traffic guys spotted us, pointed both his hands directly to the ground at his feet as if to say, “Here, Now.” We obeyed. The spot was just a few feet to the right of the dragon, so close we could feel his hot breath upon our cheek as he crept closer inch by inch.

Then suddenly the traffic guy screamed, “You, now, GOOOO," while pointing like a sailor signaling a plane off an aircraft carrier.

We covered our heads and bolted. We made it.

Long Swamp, you never look so good.

By the way, we came home through Berwick and Salmon Falls Road.

-HT